Please Let Me Become More Emotionally Mature

The story of my romantic relationship with my partner isnt something that people would believe if i told them. They wouldnt be able to help us. We love each other a lot but theres some parts that dont fit together. Literally parts like in Internal Family Systems like stuck memories its hard to move past, tools that worked so well they fuzed into who I thought i was, think i am, so its hard to put them down when they dont work anymore in new situations.
I still talk to my mom every week because shes my friend even though some of my worst stuck memories and patterns are because of her.
My romantic partner is a really great person, a helper, a giver, a fixer. They really try and put a lot of effort into taking care of me. But im independent and can be careless. I try to always think of them and what would be best for us, but sometimes, maybe a lot of times, i slip and choose selfishly. Your thought now will be, well its good to be selfish, you have to take care of yourself, because thats how we think in America, especially for a girl like me, that she should put herself first instead of putting others first. But its not that simple. Anyone can be a perpetrator, anyone can be a victim, anyone can be both at once or neither, its all a manner of looking at things.
My partner and i are so close and share everything but when we get serious and think about our relationship, we know there are fundamental problems. They are more aware of it than I am. I live in blissful, forgetful ignorance until forced to consider things from someone else's point of view.
I want to get better, become a better person, more empathetic, more responsible, more aware of my own emotions, a better communicator. Im sending this message out into the aether as a prayer that i will heal and grow to be a better person and that i can stay in my partner's life, universe willing.